4 Signs It Might be Time to Say Goodbye
I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot lately. As a consultant whose current contract cycle is wrapping up in the next few months, I have been thinking about the goodbyes it makes sense to make as I work to strike a balance between creating continuity with clients and projects, desiring security and stability in my work, and knowing the right time to move on for the sake of the work itself. I’ve also been part of several conversations lately with friends that feel highly relevant to this topic - whether it’s saying goodbye to a relationship or knowing it’s time to leave a job, the signs are often the same. As someone who has made the scary decision in the past to leave a job without a completely clear picture of what is next, I also wanted to provide some insight around what led me to feel ready to say goodbye, and how I knew it was the right choice for me.
We often think about goodbyes as sad or failing. But there is power in goodbyes, especially when we have clarity around why they are needed. Here are some signs that it could be time and some questions to ask yourself as you consider how the signs listed may be showing up for you.
Sign One: your time and your values are not lining up
I use the term “values” very broadly in this case. Values can look very different at different times in life - maybe it’s a question of the morals you want to be living out not lining up with the morals that are driving the work you are doing, maybe it’s more about your current priorities in life, and whether or not you are able to focus on these priorities given your current work situation; maybe it’s about lifestyle and what you need in given moment - whether it’s financial freedom, flexibility, or something else. No matter what the case may be, when there’s a mismatch between your values and how your time is currently being spent, this can lead to a huge amount of tension and discontent, and can be a good reason to consider whether it’s time to say goodbye to your current circumstances.
Some questions to consider as you assess this sign for yourself:
-How do I want to be spending my time right now? What is most important to me in this stage of my life?
-Are my current circumstances allowing me to spend my time in the ways that I want/need to be?
-Are there ways to adjust my current circumstances to make more space and time to live out my current values? Conversations I need to have? Adjustments to my approach to the work?
Sign Two: your current situation is getting in the way of you finding the next thing
This has been a big one for me, particularly in the times when I have taken a big leap - like leaving my job without something else lined up. The times where I have decided to make this huge (and very scary) decision, have been because I determined that there was no way that I could get to where I wanted to be without getting out of where I currently was. Whether it was my mental state, and knowing that my negative feelings about my current situation were getting in the way of my ability to be optimistic and hopeful about next steps, or knowing that there was literally no time in my schedule to find my next thing without leaving my current thing - coming to terms with this reality helped give me the push I needed to make a plan for getting out of my current situation.
Some questions to consider as you assess this sign for yourself:
-Do I have a clear picture of where I want to be? If not, do I feel like I have the mental space and time to figure that out while in my current situation?
-Do I feel like I have the mental space and time to devote myself to getting to where I want to be?
-What circumstances need to be true for me to be able to get out of my current situation? (finances, insurance, stability, access to networks, etc.)
-What are some creative ways that I can maintain the things about my current situation that I need, without compromising the space and time needed to plan for my next thing?
Sign Three: you find yourself getting riled up about the same issues over and over again, over a long period of time
When I first started dating my husband, I was in a job that I really needed to get out of (and eventually left). But before that, I found myself regularly living out work frustrations with my new boyfriend, to the point where he could predict exactly what and who I was going to complain about and be right 100% of the time. While I felt like every situation I was bringing to him was unique, to him, it just continued to reinforce the point that it was time to go. So when I finally told him that I had made the decision to leave, instead of being surprised, he said “thank goodness, it’s about time!”
Some questions to consider as you assess this sign for yourself:
-Could I hit the replay button on the story I told last week, the week before, or the month before that and get the same frustration across?
-What themes can I take away from the things that get me most riled up in my current situation? Do I have control over changing any of them?
Sign Four: you see the possibility of your work continuing even when you are no longer there
This is my favorite reason for saying goodbye because it is truly a happy occasion. It means that you’ve been able to demonstrate enough value and buy in for your work, that you don’t need to be the one doing it anymore. It also means that you leaving creates opportunities for others to step up into leadership roles. I would argue here that this sign should actually be turned into a professional goal going into any project or job - that you can get to a point where you see your work being able to outlive your tenure. Getting here isn’t easy, it requires a level of humility and acceptance that it will eventually be time for you to move on. But achieving it is powerful, and often means the difference between making individual level change and organizational change.
Some questions to consider as you assess this sign for yourself:
Have I positioned others to take on the work once I’m no longer here?
Am I observing others taking ownership of this work even when I’m not in the room?
Have I built the institutional knowledge and systems necessary for this work to continue without me being present?
A final note about deciding it’s time to say goodbye versus actually saying it: these two things might not line up. Lots has to be in place to actually say the words and make the jump but making the decision is a huge first step. Once you put out into the universe that you know it’s time to say goodbye, you’ll figure out a way to deal with the other stuff and know when it’s time to fully let go.
